Making a scene at the V&A

Making a scene - V&ACome and make a scene at the Victoria & Albert museum. On the last Friday of every month (except December), the V&A holds Late Friday, which involves a late opening of the museum – until 10pm – and comprises events, workshops and entertainment with a different theme each month. 

This Friday, Making a Scene taps the surface of Lesbian, Gay, Bi, Trans & Queer Culture and explores the relationship between sexuality, performance and publics space. Curated in association with Tim Redfern of Pride Legacy Project, the point, as stated on the V&A website, is “to celebrate making visible what for so long has been hidden”. 

The program features several performances and events, such as the Queer Interventionist Box, with a selection of artists invited to make a contemporary statement through short performance, each reflecting on Queer history, culture and life now, or “The Manifesto of a Tranny”, performed live by Brian Dawn Chalkley and exposing the harsh reality of being a transvestite in a big city late at night through humour, tragedy and pathos. 

“Cruising for art” will explore the practice of cottaging and personal encounters in public spaces through a series of intimate performances. Handkerchiefs will be distributed and if you see someone with a matching handkerchief, eye contact or a smile, wink at them! Either it will be the start to a wild journey, a tender moment or an intimate conversation with some of London’s leading performers – artists include Eirini Kartsaki, Russell Harris,  Mamoru Iriguchi, Liz Rosenfeld, Benjamin Sebastian, Johanna Linsley & Jan Mertens, arkem, Rachel Mars  – or if not a performer, well… who knows what can happen. 

You will also be able to hear curators offer alternative readings of objects, explore the histories of those who made them and look at the way sexual identity informs the way we interpret the past.

All events are free and drop-in, unless stipulated otherwise. More details and the program on the V&A website

Making a scene – Friday 27th November, 6.30pm-10pm

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Things to do in Singapore: Our picks of events in August 2021 and beyond

What’s on our diary in this month.
The inaugural virtual festival brings together a community of Southeast Asian trailblazers who are shaping the future in the fields of art and design, music, lifestyle and sustainability. Visit the platform to explore inspiring stories in the form of documentaries, workshops, podcast series, interactive live panels and talks by creatives and passionate individuals.
Until Sep 14
Part of Alliance Française de Singapour’s ongoing French Excellence programme, this exhibition pays tribute to the late Rudolf Nureyev (1938-1993), one of the greatest male ballet dancers and choreographers of all time. It showcases 14 striking costumes from Nureyev’s ballets, on loan from the private collection of his protégé Charles Jude, as well as 49 unpublished photographs. There are also a series of talks, workshops and conferences that will further encourage dialogue and help to develop deeper understanding of the legacy of the “King of Dance”, and the evolution of ballet in the cultural landscape.
Until Sep 15

Local comedy legend Kumar is bringing his slapstick humour, quick wit, hilarious antics and quirky punchlines to the Sands Theatre at Marina Bay Sands for the first time. Known for finding humour in the controversial, he unmasks the new normal amid the ongoing pandemic. Tickets here.
Sep 10-19
The solo exhibition by Japanese artist Tsuyoshi Hisakado at Ota Fine Arts Singapore presents his well-known immersive installation works. These include a body of work that reflects his thoughts and ideas during the Covid-19 pandemic, showcased with a fresh configuration along with a recent series of creations on paper.
Until Sep 25

Directed by Hossan Leong, Sing’theatre’s Forever Young puts a Singaporean twist on the European cult hit musical. On show at the Drama Centre, the production chronicles the life of a group of retired actors living in a nursing home. Tickets here.
Sep 22-Oct 3

The ongoing exhibition at the Asian Civilisations Museum has been extended and updated. Presented in collaboration with Kobe Shimbun and Russel Wong, it explores Japanese culture and traditions through woodblock prints and photography. The over 75 woodblock prints and paintings previously on display at the Life in Edo section have been replaced by a whole new selection of prints featuring works from the great masters, including Katsushika Hokusai, Utagawa Hiroshige, Kitagawa Utamaro, Utagawa Kuniyoshi, and more, which show lifestyles and trends of the Edo period.
Until Oct 17
Experience the Singapore Zoo in a new way, through a multi-sensory journey at night. It immerses visitors in a symphony of lights, wonderfully orchestrated music and interactive stations that meld nature and technology. The objective is to inspire the public to protect wildlife and conserve biodiversity.
Until Dec 19
This landmark, namesake exhibition of the internationally renowned artist at National Gallery Singapore features the largest presentation of his works in Southeast Asia, including the new installation Horizon Field Singapore (2021) – the fifth edition in the annual Ng Teng Fong Roof Garden Commission series. The show promises a unique art experience realised through new methods of audience participation.
Until Oct 30, 2022
(Main and featured image: Porsche)
This story was published in the August/September 2021 issue of Prestige Singapore.
The post Things to do in Singapore: Our picks of events in August 2021 and beyond appeared first on Prestige Online – Singapore.

How to set boundaries and why it’s important for your mental health

Setting boundaries has become a very hot topic in the realm of mental health and relationships during the past few years (yay!). But what most people don’t realise is that it really isn’t all that glamorous — or easy — to set these boundaries in your own life.
At times, boundaries can feel rude or mean (if you aren’t used to setting firm boundaries) or even painful and unfair. How do you best set your own boundaries, enforce them in a loving way, and also uphold the boundaries people make towards you? This work isn’t easy, but it will make your relationship with yourself and everyone else in your life so much healthier and happier. Here’s the playbook on how to set boundaries with anyone in your life.
What are boundaries, and why are they important?
In essence, a boundary is a limit of what is okay and what isn’t. I like to describe boundaries this way because while boundaries can be complex, they can also be simple. And, to be blunt, if someone is setting a boundary towards you, their reason why is none of your business.
Consider this scenario from the book Getting It by Allison Moon: You’re in a new dating relationship, and tonight, you’re watching a movie and cuddling. You suggest an action movie that has a relatively intense sexual assault scene. Your date says, “I actually don’t watch movies with intense scenes like that. What do you think about watching _____?”
Now, this person didn’t go into detail (and they absolutely are not expected to) but this is an obvious boundary they have when it comes to movies and the media they consume. Maybe they’ve experienced a traumatic sexual assault in the past, maybe someone close to them has, maybe they’re just really sensitive to visuals — it doesn’t matter what their reason is, it’s a boundary that was kindly stated.
Boundaries don’t need to be explained, justified, or defended by you or anyone else. When talking about boundaries, you’re also talking about respecting people’s privacy, needs, and requests. The thing is, many people (including, yep, you) probably disrespect people’s boundaries all the time without thinking much about it or even being aware.
Consider an example of a reverse situation: You’re on a third date with someone and they invite you over to watch a movie at their place. You’re so excited to get cosy and experience this person in a new way. While you two are picking a movie, they suggest something that has a very intense sexual assault scene. Your best friend recently experienced a sexual assault and it’s just too graphic for you to watch casually at this time. You say, “I actually don’t watch movies with intense scenes like that. How about we watch _____?”
Then your date says, “No, seriously, this is such a good movie! You should give it a try, you might like it!”
See how this brushes right over the very clear boundary that you set? Now, this leaves you feeling like you should either explain yourself (see where the “shoulds” pop up? They’re sneaky!) or just go along with it — two things you really don’t want to do.
I use this example because it’s important to understand that people don’t owe you explanations for their boundaries (unless they want to share). It works in the reverse as well — you don’t owe anyone an explanation for why you’re setting a boundary.
However, there’s also space to understand and clarify with the person if you’re confused around the boundary they’re setting, too. Responding to the above situation with something like, “Oh! We had talked about watching Game of Thrones, so I thought you enjoyed that. No worries at all, we can watch something else! Can I ask what it is about those scenes that you don’t watch? I’d like to be able to pick a better movie in the future,” gives the other person the space to share or decline.
How to know when you need to set a boundary
Have you ever been asked to do something, watch something, participate in something, drive somewhere, eat something, kiss someone, and have felt nervous to say no? Have you ever given someone something, whether that be your time, money, or energy, only to be left feeling taken advantage of or resentful? These are all signs that a boundary needs to be set.
You likely know deep inside (read: a gut feeling) when you’re in a situation that needs a boundary, but it’s admittedly really scary to change a relationship dynamic. In fact, most of us will stay in pain instead of having the hard conversations or acknowledging the realities of things. As painful as change can be, is it really more painful than staying exactly where you are?
Boundaries aren’t walls between people, they’re guideposts to help you give and receive love and care in a way that feels good and is healthy — and that looks different from person to person. Creating boundaries allows you to continue being in a relationship with someone but doing so in the healthiest way possible.
How to set boundaries
As corny as it sounds, the easiest way to set a boundary is to speak from the heart. And if you’re the type of person that really likes guides or a script or some kind of direction for these things, here’s my three-step formula for setting a boundary. (PS This same format can be used for really any healthy, meaningful conversation.)
Step 1: Acknowledge
A statement of acknowledgement is one of the best ways to start any conversation. This statement names the reality, or the elephant in the room aka the thing no one is saying. Yup, you’re saying it out loud.
Acknowledgement statements typically start with “I know…” and can sound something like this: “I know it’s been hard as I’ve been reassessing my boundaries,” or “I know it’s been confusing that sometimes I answer my phone, and sometimes I don’t.”
Step 2: Explain
Explaining how to someone else is so important and yet it’s common to struggle with it — mostly because people don’t have practise doing it. The best way to do this is to use an “I statement,” to explain how you feel. (If you’re having trouble pinpointing what you’re feeling, try consulting a wheel of emotions.) Here’s what that could sound like:
“I feel ___(emotion)____ when/about ____(topic/action contributing to that feeling)___.”
Example 1: “I feel scared about what will happen if you keep spending money.”
Example 2: “I feel uncomfortable when you ask me about my sex life.”
3. Offer
Typically, when sharing emotions, you may tend to toss them to the person you’re talking to with some hope and/or expectation that they’ll know what you want. This statement, the offer, is where you actually state your boundary.
Try “what I would really like to do is….” or “something I’d like to do is….” or “I’d really like to…” followed by “how does that sound?” or some other question asking the person’s opinion on the proposed solution or step forward.
Example 1: “I realised I need to set a boundary around how much you share with me. I don’t want to hear about anything money-related until otherwise stated, okay?”
Example 2: “I’m not going to talk about my sex life and I’d really like it if you didn’t ask me about it anymore. Does that sound like something you can do?”–/?utm_source=ig_embed&ig_rid=ca9efd1b-e31f-428a-9f79-3e5969a3fa2f
Why boundary setting can be difficult to accept
If boundaries are so wonderful and important, why does it feel so crappy at times when a boundary affects you personally? Well, a lot of people didn’t grow up with models of healthy communication, and things that felt like boundaries were most likely rules set by parents or parental figures. On top of that, as a kid you were likely not encouraged to set your own boundaries, so you never learned how to set, maintain, or respect boundaries, whether they were your own or someone else’s.
It’s this lack of experience or negative association with rules, combined with your internal rejection and threat monitoring system that can create a jarring or scary feeling when someone you love sets a boundary that affects you. When you perceive a threat, your brain starts re-organising its resources to keep you safe — which is great if there is real danger but not so great when it’s not the most “appropriate” response. In response to a perceived threat, you may feel overwhelmed, flooded, fearful, angry, and/or anxious, and then blame the other person for your uncomfortable feelings. In reality, you simply need an adult time out to become less flooded and able to be present in the conversation without that activation.
So, the next time someone sets a boundary with you, try thanking them for sharing with you and validate their boundary by honouring it. And when you’re feeling a little tickle of resentment or the little voice in your head telling you to say no… say something. Set that boundary and watch how beautiful your relationships will become.
What to do when someone crosses or disrespects your boundary
Let’s first remember that no one is perfect. So, it’s reasonable that if a boundary is a newer thing, someone may need reminding. I’d be as loving and gentle as possible when reinforcing the boundary, simply reminding the person of the agreement or ask that was agreed on. You can even follow a different version of the three-step framework above. “I know this is a newer boundary, but I felt hurt that you asked me about money after I told you that topic was uncomfortable for me and that I didn’t want to talk about it. Can you not bring that up again?”
Rachel Wright, MA, LMFT, (she/her) is a licensed psychotherapist, sex educator and relationship expert based in New York City. She’s an experienced speaker, group facilitator, and writer. She’s worked with thousands of humans worldwide to help them scream less and screw more.
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